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Published on October 9th, 2013 | by The Fake Lantern


DeShaun Thomas Wondering How Much Longer He Can Maintain The Fake Lantern

NANTERRE, FRANCE - In a phone interview with The Fake Lantern on Wednesday, former Ohio State basketball standout and NBA lottery pick DeShaun Thomas expressed doubt as to whether he would be able to — or even should — maintain his brainchild, the satirical newspaper The Fake Lantern, for much longer.

“Do I have a uniquely and extremely creative mind that is always at work? Yes of course. But how long can I maintain that? Probably forever. The point is I guess it might never go away,” said Thomas.

But the star basketball player, who founded the twitter account and website at the beginning of the 2012-2013 basketball season as a side project, didn’t put a guarantee on the paper’s survival. “I have a family now that I need to feed. I live and work in Europe. These two facts have definitely made it tough to keep producing high quality satire at a constant rate about and pertaining to exclusively the campus district of Columbus, Ohio,” explained the Fort Wayne, Indiana native and former Big Ten basketball conference leading scorer.

“You think it’s easy don’t you. You think it’s easy,” Thomas continued with a clear shift in tone. “You wanna know how much class time I spent writing stupid South Oval jokes? You think I actually cared about the semester switch? You wanna know what horrors I was forced to put into my google search history just to make insipid photoshopped pictures? You wanna know how much my life suffered? And for what? No one knows or cares who I am, outside of my decorated basketball career, of course.”

As an answer to our final and most important question, whether he had gotten laid because of his position as founder and editor of The Fake Lantern, Thomas responded that girls were universally not impressed with his “Who wants to bang a twitter account?” pick up line.

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