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Published on August 29th, 2013 | by The Fake Lantern

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Investigative Report: Catfish Biff’s Actually Fake Pizza The Whole Time

COLUMBUS, OH – Following a trail of doubts left by nearly every student that has ever eaten at the beloved south campus “pizza” establishment, a TFL investigative report revealed that Catfish Biff’s pizza has actually been fake pizza the whole time.

The discovery was made after a reporter was sent to the restaurant  disguised as an intoxicated partygoer just looking for a bite of food. The bite he received…………………..was far from food.

Though the nature of the news is somewhat shocking, no one is denying that there weren’t hints along the way. “I always just assumed it was real pizza, but I guess now that I think about it, I’ve never eaten there sober,” said junior Marisa Myers. “To think the whole time I was eating fake food — that just disgusts me. I thought I loved it.”

Others were equally disappointed they hadn’t noticed the purported food’s falsehood sooner. “I always just accepted that it was real pizza. It looked like pizza,” said visibly angry freshman Duron Morrison. “I feel like I’ve been duped. I have been duped. I’ve been catfished by Catfish Biff.”

Others were indifferent. “I’ve never eaten there,” said sophomore north campus resident Kylie Ables.

When the restaurant’s owner was reached for comment, Biff deflected questions asked via social media and refused to provide a phone number or home address.

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